I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I supernannyed him into submission
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
