I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
