I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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