dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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