i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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