Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
