so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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