One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
