how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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