I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
