So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
