Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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