Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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