Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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