ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
