Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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