When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
