is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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