i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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