I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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