found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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