He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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