another moral hangover. fuck.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
