Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
