oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
