YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
