Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
