he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
