We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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