Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
