I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
