He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
