Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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