you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream