dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?