sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
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the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?