it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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