I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Your penis caused this!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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