Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
