I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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