Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize