Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
