It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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