Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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