Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
