why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
