i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
