your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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