I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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