I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
