WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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