dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
