Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
