My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
