My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
