Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
