My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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