I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
