I wannas sexs uuuuu
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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