i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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