Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How does one acquire holy water?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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