New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
