I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
