I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
