a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
