I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
