Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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