haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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