so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
