Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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