Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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