The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
