found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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