I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize