Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
