i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
