I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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